Nuna hutu, akwai fim mai ban tsoro don hakan. Ko da ma hutun da ba a yaba da su ba kamar Ranar Wauta ta Afrilu da Ranar Uwar suna da fina-finai a gare su. Jumma'a 13th, kodayake ba fasaha ce ta hutu ba, amma muna yin bikin kamar haka, yana da ɗayan mafi kyawun fa'idodi na kamfani wanda ke kewaye dashi. Kirsimeti abu ne mai sauki, kuma rana ce da ke da wadatattun sanannun masu yanke jiki. Amma yaya game da Thanksgiving? Kamar dai mafi kusancin abin da muka samu shine Eli Roth's izgili na trailer Grindhouse, Thanksgiving. Eli Roth yayi magana game da sanya shi cikakken fasalin lokaci zuwa lokaci, amma wa ya san ko zai taɓa bayyana (marubuci Chris Crum kawai ya rubuta kyakkyawan yanki akan wannan jiya, don haka Duba shi). Tabbas, akwai kuma Godiya da kuma Godiya 3, amma fa game da ainihin fim mai ban tsoro wanda aka saita a ranar da muka taru a matsayin dangi kuma muke cin abinci mai yawa?

Da kyau, ya juya baya a cikin 1981 akwai wani fim mai ban tsoro wanda aka shirya a lokacin Thanksgiving… kodayake wannan yana kusa da lokacin da yake zuwa hutun. Ba batun jigo bane, kuma baya jin kamar fim ɗin hutu, kawai haka zai faru a wannan ranar. Hakanan yana iya faruwa a kowace rana, amma aƙalla sun gwada, koda kuwa kawai don samun kuɗi ne a kan masu saran hutu. Ka sani, galibi. Fim din ba a san shi daidai da “kyau” ko wani abu ba. Yana yi, duk da haka, tauraruwa Jake Steinfeld, halayyar halayya daga wasan kwaikwayon na 1990 Babban Yaya Jake! Yayi, don haka ba bugawa bane, amma mai yiwuwa ne ko ban kalleshi ba. Jake kuma yana da layi na shirye-shiryen motsa jiki da ake kira Jake ta Jake kuma shine ya kafa wani kamfani da ake kira FitOrbit, shirin motsa jiki da rage nauyi. Wataƙila wannan zai sami fim mafi kyau; Jake yana ci gaba da kisan kai akan shirin TV na motsa jiki. Saurayin har yanzu yana kan aiki, don haka yana da cikakkiyar tsari don slasher ɗin ku, wanda ya sanya wannan ya zama cikakkiyar rawa a gare shi.

Eh, watakila ba.

Akwai dalilin da yasa aka manta da wannan fim din. Baya ga cewa duk girman hakan ne, wasan kwaikwayon Jake abin dariya ne, kodayake wani lokacin abin da muke nema ke nan koda kuwa ba yan fim bane suka yi niyya. Yana ciyar da yawancin finafinan ido da dariya kamar mahaukaci (wanda yake takawa, don haka ina tsammani aiki yayi kyau) kuma akwai wannan yaron da yayi ado irin na mime, fentin fuska da duka, tare da guitar da amp daure ta bayansa. Shin wani zai iya gaya mani menene makasudin samun hali irin wannan? Tsammani na shine ya kasance mai jan hankali ne kan nau'in halayen Neddy a ciki Jumma'a da 13th, amma ya kan dakatar da nuna min, saboda ba zan iya daukar hoto kamar wannan da gaske ba. Dole ne in ɗan dakata in daɗa kaina, ina mamakin abin da suke tunani. Wanene ya kamata ya danganta da wannan halin? Sojojin KISS? Ya kamata haruffan taimako na ban dariya su kasance da halaye irin na waɗanda muka sani don sa su zama masu alaƙa, amma wannan… menene wannan? Ina tunanin wannan hanyar sosai. Sauran basu ma cancanci ambaton su ba, tunda su halayyar ku ne masu lalata kayan. Kwarai da gaske, kalli duk wani ɓarnar da aka yanke kuma a can ya tafi, suna cikin wannan fim ɗin suma. Ba a faɗi cewa wasan kwaikwayon na su ba shi da talauci ko wani abu, amma bai isa ya adana fim ɗin ba.

Gorehounds dole ne su nemi wani wuri, saboda babu yawa cikin jini da ƙuruciya. A gaskiya, ana yin tasirin yadda ya kamata, tabbas babu abin da za a rubuta game da shi. Labarin kuma kyakkyawa ne mai kyan gani kuma yana da alamun samun kudi cikin sauki a yanzu, saboda haka dole ka yi mamaki; wa aka yiwa wannan fim din? A baya can, yin slasher kamar buga kudi ne. Ba za ku iya yin asara ba, amma wannan ɗayan fina-finai ne waɗanda kawai suka haifar da mamaye yanayin.

To me nake cewa game da makircin? Ya tsufa? Yayi, don haka dakatar da ni idan kun ji wannan; wani mahaukaci ya tsere daga asibitin mahaukata, ya saci keken hawa kuma ya nufi gida don kashe mutane a kan wani sanannen hutu.

Shin lallai ne in fito in gaya muku abin da hakan zai kasance?

A kowane hali, idan kuna da ƙarfin isa ko kuna son zubar da kuɗi, kuna iya ɗaukar kwafi daga Amazon don farashi mai tsada da kuma a fahimtata, kawai ɓarnar VHS ce kuma ba ma babba ba.

Ko za ku iya bincika fim ɗin gaba ɗaya a bidiyon da ke ƙasa. Ya fi dacewa a kalla kallo ɗaya kuma a ga Jake Steinfeld yayi kamar mahaukaci mai farauta.

Wani mara lafiya mai hankali da ya tsere ya saci keken motar kuma ya nufi hanyar bikin ranar godiya ta Bradleys, inda yake shirin yi musu kadan ba godiya…

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Kuma kawai don saukar da kai layin ƙwaƙwalwar ajiya… KADA KA KASU!

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Hakanan saboda lokacin godiya ne, anan ga shirin godiya na Babban Yaya Jake.

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